How to Support Men you Love Who are Struggling with Mental Health
The Purpose of this Guide
The purpose of this guide is to be a resource for anyone who knows a man that is struggling with mental health. Whether they are a little down or have shared thoughts of suicide, this guide is meant to educate, support and share practical steps that you can take to help them. This is not meant to replace professional therapy, but simply educate and support you through this difficult situation.
Guide Outline
Introduction
Processing your Reactions
Educate Yourself
Societal Factors Contributing to Men’s Mental Health Struggles
Common Mental Health Conditions and Contributing Factors
Specific Signs to Look For
Behavioral
Emotional
Physical
How to Support Men Struggling with Mental Health
Promote Healthy Masculinity
Be Gentle in your Approach
Create a Safe and Open Environment
Practical Steps
What to Avoid
Resources
Hotlines and Immediate Support
Therapy and Counseling Resources
Support Groups and Online Communities
Educational and Self-help Resources
Conclusion
1. Introduction
A. Processing your Emotional Reactions
Hearing that a beloved brother, son, or friend is struggling can bring on deep feelings of sadness and alarm, especially if suicidal thoughts are communicated.
Recognize that your feelings are normal
Give yourself time to process
Talk to friends, family, and your therapist about what you are going through
Seek to arrive at a balanced, objective place to be able to support this person. You will not be able to help if you are triggered and emotionally unbalanced, and only thinking about yourself. Pursue balance and prepare for a difficult and selfless road of service to this person.
2. Educate Yourself
A. Societal Factors Contributing to Men’s Mental Health Struggles
Stigma Surrounding Men’s Mental Health:Traditional masculine norms have discouraged men from seeking help or expressing vulnerability. Because of this, many men have a fear of judgment, due to concerns about appearing weak. This stigma leads to underreporting of mental health concerns and a struggle for men to seek help because they believe it is weak to do so.
Emotional Expression: Men may struggle to articulate their feelings or may feel pressured to suppress them from a young age, leading to an increased risk of depression and anxiety. Most men have not been taught about managing and expressing emotions. Therefore, it is foreign and daunting to do so, so the easier path is to suppress and pretend they are OK.
Social Isolation: Men often have fewer social support networks than women, which can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and despair.
Substance Abuse: Higher rates of substance abuse among men contribute to mental health issues and suicide. Substance abuse is a common coping mechanism for men dealing with stress or trauma. Men may use substances to numb emotions or escape problems. Peer pressure or cultural expectations can contribute to substance use. Substances can provide temporary relief from stress or anxiety, but often lead to addiction and further mental health issues.
Access to resources: Resources available to men are often lower for men due to stigmas mentioned above, lack of awareness for men to resources, and lack of programs tailored to help them.
B. Common Mental Health Conditions and Contributing Factors
Depression: Depression in men often manifests as irritability, fatigue, a loss of interest in tasks that they normally have interest in, or changes in appetite or sleep, but is often overlooked due to societal expectations that men should always be strong and not show weakness. Stressful life events that can lead to mental struggle and depression can include:
Death
Divorce
Job loss
Financial issues
Relationship problems
Birth of a child
Legal issues
Financial difficulties
Major injury
Anxiety: Anxiety disorders in men can include excessive worry about a variety of things, panic attacks, episodes of intense fear or discomfort, or fear of social situations and scrutiny, all of which often lead to avoidance behaviors. Contributing factors to anxiety for men can include to:
Fear of job loss
Fear of rejection or abandonment
Fear of poor sexual performance
Fear of not meeting societal expectations put on them as a man.
Burden of personal debt
Relationship struggles, especially lack of communication causes difficulty in expressing emotions in a healthy way and resolving Issues.
The “Manly” stereotype can add pressure for men to be strong and independent and lead to anxiety from lack of knowing how to express difficult emotions.
Past Trauma
Trauma and PTSD: Men struggle with trauma and PTSD just as much as anyone else, but traditional and outdated views of masculinity make them prone to suppressing these emotions rather than feeling them, processing them and healing them in a healthy way.
Veterans often experience trauma from their experiences in war and in fact have a suicide rate two times higher than non-veterans.
Men of all ages and backgrounds can unknowingly react from unprocessed childhood trauma, violence, and physical, emotional and sexual abuse. All of which are difficult to process for men who have been told it is weak to feel emotional distress and have not been taught how to fully feel and heal from these experiences.
3. Specific Signs to Look for
A. Behavioral
Withdrawal from social activities and relationships.
Changes in sleep patterns or appetite.
Expressing feelings of being a burden to others.
Risk-taking behaviors or substance use.
Changes in mood, such as extreme sadness, irritability or anger
Oftentimes, when men lash out and hurt others, they are hurting inside and in need of healing, which is most easily done with loving support.
B. Emotional
Persistent sadness or hopelessness.
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt.
Overwhelming anxiety or panic attacks.
Expressing thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
C. Physical
Unexplained aches or pains.
Chronic fatigue or lack of energy.
Neglect of personal hygiene or appearance.
4. How to Support Men Struggling with Mental Health
A. Promote Healthy Masculinity
Encourage men to embrace vulnerability and seek help when needed. Speak healthy core beliefs proudly. Doing so will help rewrite outdated stigmas that have led to men suffering in isolation, which often leads to suicide. Statements like “It is courageous and healthy to learn about managing emotions to pursue personal growth” and “It is wise to speak up about your mental health struggles” will go much further than “Man up!” Empowerment through positive male role models can also encourage openness. Be the change you want to see in them. Your actions will speak louder than anything else.
B. Be Gentle in your Approach
It is important to be gentle in your approach with men who are struggling with mental health. Don’t pressure them to talk right away. Women are more practiced, skilled, and comfortable expressing their emotions and therefore they are able to do so more quickly and easily, but men need time before they are ready to talk. Also, try to avoid speaking directly to their struggles as the main point of your conversation, as this can be embarrassing and may lead them to become more avoidant of you.
Rather, create a safe, gentle, loving space and ask open-ended questions, like “How have you been?”, or “How are you holding up?” and give them time to find the courage to share. This can take time and if too much pressure is applied, they may retreat and close off further. Spend quality time and make yourself available. Let them know you’re there for them and that people care about them.
C. Create a Safe and Open Environment
Encourage open communication: Ask questions and listen without judgment. You will be amazed at what can happen when you give a man 30 seconds of silence in which to think and contemplate before he expresses himself.
Vulnerability breeds vulnerability: Normalize the conversation by sharing your own experiences and struggles first.
Provide reassurance: Remind them that seeking help is a sign of strength and bravery, not weakness. Let them know that what they are feeling is very normal. Seek compassion and understanding of their situation of feeling heavy emotions and not knowing how to process them in a healthy way. Let them know it's okay to feel these seemingly heavy feelings and that it is healthy to share, process, seek help, and heal openly.
D. Practical Steps
Check-In Regularly: Keep in touch through calls, texts, or visits. Offer a listening ear without pushing for answers. Simply and literally be there for them.
Consistent loving presence: Consistent loving presence provides a safe and healing container that many men didn’t receive as children.
Objective and selfless view: Don’t take their behavior personally. It’s not your fault if they reject your help. Their negative words and actions aren’t about you; they’re about their own problems. Don’t let their negativity affect you. Take a break to calm down and meditate if needed to return to a positive, loving state. All the great sages in history - from The Buddha to Gandhi to Jesus - were able to feel negative energy and respond with selfless love and forgiveness. You too have the power to do this and it can provide tremendous healing for others.
Radical and Unconditional Acceptance: Meet them exactly where they are, no matter how ugly or dark it may seem. Being accepted for all our perceived faults and continuing to feel loved and accepted will provide them a safe space to process, heal, and elevate their situation.
Join a Community Group: Join a local group with a focus on mental health, movement, or getting people outside to hike, camp, or connect with nature. Speak Your Mind provides fun, safe spaces in nature for men to move, connect with the healing power of nature, and empower men to speak up and build brotherhood communities that can provide the support they are missing from their lives.
Encourage Professional Help: Suggest seeing a therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist. Help research local resources or accompany them to appointments. They may feel more comfortable if you can recommend a professional you’ve worked with or know personally.
Support Healthy Habits: Encourage regular exercise, a balanced diet, and proper sleep. Promote activities that reduce stress like mindfulness or fun hobbies. For example, go for a run or other activity in nature and invite them along. Even offer to pick them up if you can.
Be Patient and Persistent: Understand that recovery takes time and there may be setbacks. - Continue offering support even if it seems like they are not responding.
E. What to Avoid
Avoid Dismissing Their Feelings: Refrain from saying things like “man up” or “get over it.”
Don’t Push for Solutions: Allow them to express their feelings without rushing to “fix” the problem. This will further allow them to feel fully accepted and supported where they are.
Avoid Overloading Them with Information: Offer help slowly and gently. Remember, men often struggle with emotions because they're told to hide them. It's important to feel and deal with these emotions. Go at their pace. Ask open-ended questions like, "What would help you now?" Or suggest things like men's groups or counseling. Let them choose what they need.
Don’t Take All of their Weight: Men who are struggling with mental health can feel like they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. It's okay to let them deal with their problems, even if it takes time. Finding their own way through the darkness is an essential part of the healing and personal growth journey. You can support them, but don't try to do everything for them. Let them be strong and independent. Believe in them and help them see that they can overcome their challenges.
5. Resources
A. Hotlines and Immediate Support
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 or 988
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255 (Press 1)
B. Therapy and Counseling Resources
Psychology Today: Find a therapist directory.
BetterHelp.com: Online therapy platform.
Local mental health clinics or community health centers.
Mantherapy.org: Provides a humorous and accessible approach to men's mental health, with a researched-backed tool for men with the aim to reduce suicide risk.
Movember Foundation: Focuses on men’s mental health and suicide prevention, offering programs and support networks.
Speak Your Mind Partners Page: https://speakyourmind.men/our-partners-1
C. Support Groups and Online Communities
Men’s mental health support groups (both in-person and online).
SYM Virtual Men’s Group, Online Community Chat Group Server on Discord, and other local groups can be found on our linktr.ee here: https://linktr.ee/taketimespeakyourmind
D. Educational and Self-help Resources
Men’s Health Network: Provides resources and information on health and wellness specifically for men.
See list of resources in the Resources section of our website here: https://speakyourmind.men/resources
6. Conclusion
Addressing men's health and suicide prevention requires a multifaceted approach involving education, advocacy, the willingness to confront societal stigmas, and the capacity to provide time and cultivate the skill of holding a selfless loving space for others.
By promoting mental wellness and providing the necessary support, we can work towards reducing the alarming rates of suicide among men and foster a healthier society overall. The more fathers, sons, brothers, and friends we can help, the more safe and supported we will all feel as a result.
Thank you for taking the time to make a difference with us.
We are all in this together.
With Love and Strength,
The Speak Your Mind Team
https://linktr.ee/taketimespeakyourmind