Why Every Good Man Needs a Good Woman
We learn from women. As much as men are wired to seek only the physical, women are really here to teach us and set us straight. They are softer and more gentle than us. They are true, virtuous and compassionate without even trying. They are all the things that men are not. My grandfather always said “If you aren’t learning from the women you’re with, then what the hell are you doing?” Women are wise, infinite in their power, and have a lot to teach us if we pay attention.
Through connection with women throughout my life I’ve learned the excruciatingly difficult experience of loving and letting go. I’ve learned non-attachment. I’ve learned the painful truth of how treacherously beautiful and painful life is. I’ve learned impermanence. I’ve learned that the present moment is all there ever was, and all there ever will be. Above all else, I’ve gained awareness about myself and this perplexing predicament of a life that I’m living.
Women have broken through my thick, narrowly focused mind to teach me how to flow. They have taught me how to move through life with balance, grace, and ease. They have taught me to move forward with balance instead of succumbing to my innate and intense urge to bulldoze my way from A to B. In other words, they have taught me how to live my life with more harmony between the masculine goal-creation mindset and the feminine way of flowing with non-attachment of how you get to your chosen destination. Or even IF you get there at all. I’ve learned that “getting there,” that achieving that goal, isn’t even what it’s about.
A good woman will make you grow into the man she deserves just by being in the truth of her presence. A good woman will lift you up, shower you with praise, and know how to worship you like the king you really are, but will also hold you accountable to the better version of yourself that you are pursuing, if you have mustered up the courage to face such a task.
A good woman will see the light within you even if you never knew it was there because you spent your entire childhood being beat down by a mother and father with wounds so deep they weren’t able to elevate themselves enough to see your light. A balanced and evolved woman has a gift of showing you your own potential just with how she conducts herself. A good woman is nothing short of the inspirational role model you’ve always needed, which will motivate you to be better. That better version of you is who her character demands to support her and give her the safe container to shine her infinite light!
But are you paying attention? Do you see her? Are you ready and willing to do the work? If not, what are you focused on? Where is your head at? Which toxic, scared, less-evolved, younger version of yourself are you stuck in? If you don’t see her, then enjoy every moment you have because a good woman knows her worth and will break her own heart to leave and find what she deserves.
A good woman knows how to love and hold you so deep that you feel like a little boy again, safe in your mother’s arms. And at the same time acts as a mirror, which shows you your not-so-sightly patterns and shadows. If you are paying attention, she will show you the darker sides of yourself that, if you are ready and willing, you can get a handle on, heal, transform, and move into your own inner light to become the best version of yourself. A good woman will help you level up in this way.
The best place to heal, as far as I have seen, is from the warm, comfortable loving energy of a stable home, or stable arms if you haven’t the former. My time living on the island of Kauai showed me this clearly. The entire island is full of an overwhelming amount of powerful, eternal, unconditional, loving heart chakra energy. Deep greens of every shade, warm and wet either from the day’s heavy rainfall or the warm ocean in every direction. Kauai acted as a loving mother’s womb for me, from which I felt safe enough to travel to the darkest parts of myself and my own trauma to elevate it, heal and grow. A good woman will be your Mother Kauai.
Some women will teach you by leaving you. Some will teach you by sticking around to endure the pain that you unknowingly inflict upon them as you make your mistakes and learn your lessons. Some will leave and come back just close enough to test you and see if you’ve learned your lesson just by seeing how safe, steady, and secure you make them feel. Some will see the light within you and if you see theirs, then maybe you’ll be lucky enough to spend some quality time with them and make beautiful memories of which to look back on when you’re approaching the end of this short life.
Even then, however, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Anyone whose been in a long term relationship knows this. Through all your growth from women (and from each other), you find that once you “make it” to wherever you dreamt of getting to, whether it be a marriage, or just living with your person, it still takes work. It takes a LOT of work. There is no perfect woman, man, or destination to arrive at together. There is the journey and the lessons and growth along the way that add texture, depth and richness to life.
May you continue to face your fears, choose love, and walk forward with your head up to meet life’s lessons with grateful eyes. May you find the courage to see the best version of yourself and walk steadily towards that man. May you enjoy the process and thank God for the good women the universe sends your way.